Wednesday, 17 June 2009

Announcing My 2012 Presidential Bid

Very recently I read in one of the dailies that 10% of all road accidents are caused by drunk driving. 10%!
I was very alarmed, but not for the reasons that you think.
Allow me to digress. I attended Secondary School in Cape Coast and University in Kumasi, whilst living in Accra. Not to mention excursions, visits and occasional funerals. So I have done my fair share of travelling by road around the lower part of Ghana. Naturally, I am concerned that the roads I regularly ply are apparently disguised death traps; and thanks are given to God each time a trip is completed successfully.
Now, I was alarmed because only 10% were caused by drunkenness. Think about it, there are thousands of accidents yearly, some fatal, some more horrific than others – but statistics none the less. I thought of it this way if there were 2000 accidents, for example, 200 were caused by drunk driving. So what caused the others?? If 10% of those drivers were drunk, then 90% of them were sober and in their right mind [the latter is a mere assumption]. Try drawing a mental pie chart to assign percentages.
I realized that drastic, unfeeling, measures must be put in place. 
So maybe I should run for president, win, implement my scheme, and then step down.
First I will order all drivers off the road. [In my perfect Ghana, the rail, river and other forms of public transport will be available and running, so the economy doesn’t shut down] I will then declare all of them guilty! ...Guilty until proven innocent...To hell with human rights and procedure. Every driver would be required, at an inquest, to prove him or herself ‘roadworthy’.
Under my rule, all trotro drivers will automatically be disqualified. They would have to submit themselves to intensive brainwashing and concentrated driving school programs. They would only be let back on the road after writing and passing a test. Forgive my silliness but it seems to me that the following categories of drivers are usually picked for trotros.
A. Those who cannot judge distances; resulting in indiscriminate crossing or rudely lurching into the lanes of other vehicles.
B. Those with no regard for traffic regulations; for example stopping right in the middle of the road, used by other vehicles, to pick up and drop of passengers.
C. Miscellaneous for example, rude; uncouth; mentally challenged; retarded; stupid; imbeciles et cetera
D. All the above
Taxi drivers would be put under the microscope, as they tend to exhibit trotro like behaviour at times and  often lapse into craziness.
As for articulators and all those heavy truck drivers they will straightaway be arrested, because they are likely to be arrested anyway, if not for one offence, then another. Their cars will give them away. If they do not look roadworthy enough or look  likely to break down and obstruct the main Accra-Kumasi highway, especially the road to into town, Adum – Guilty! Overload – Guilty! Too much smoke – Guilty! Signs of hitting another vehicle or person – Guilty!
Private users too are very troublesome, especially younger drivers who enjoy games like Need for Speed and Grand Theft Auto.
My harsh and radical procedures, if left alone by corruption and who-you-know will definitely clean up our roads. Only innocent drivers with good eye sight; validly and properly obtained drivers’ licences; road worthy, non-polluting vehicles (at least not excessive); load-within-limits; driving within speed limits and observing all road regulations can drive.
But I realize this policy, when announced will alienate about 98.87% of the voters I need to win, probably including you...and my political opponents will floor me on the campaign trail with my own offences, no matter how minor
So how’ll this problem be solved??? Campaign manager needed!