Monday, 11 June 2012

Offside rule for women - in ENGLISH!

I intended to write a summary of the unprecedented week we had in Ghana: aviation tragedies in the sub-region, a gargantuan slap which is dividing public opinion, trials of public interest and interesting agitations.
But alas I decided to commit myself to preparing for my exams so I couldn't [i'm so tired of talking about it, and i'm sure you're tired of hearing about it too! shame we can't boycott them]. This is the point where you chime in and encourage me and say it will all be worth it, wish me well, pray for me blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda.

The World cup qualifiers have started, I haven't been watching the matches simply because I forgot the times. I have been studying. That said though, I love the World Cup. Note that I said world cup, and not football. Because I CANNOT stand the constant emotional stress that people put themselves through, several times a week during football season, to support their teams as they play league matches.  The time, the effort, the hope, the suspense, the disappointment!. It beats me. My heart is not cut out for such vigorous work. I save it all up over a respectable four year period and go football crazy for a little over a month. I think this is sensible and a judicious use of emotion, time and screams.
I always get entangled in this particular series of unfortunate events:
Unfortunately, because I spend so little time on the game I do not understand some of the rules. The one that baffles me the most is the offside rule. Most unfortunately, I forget all about it until it comes up in a game. But I never get a clear explanation because the ones to do the explaining are all so caught up in watching the game! The game ends and I forget all about it until the next game....and the vicious cycle continues. Sometimes someone has pity on a poor soul and attempts to do me a favour by explaining it at half time, but I never get it. They never speak English, they always speak football...which I'm not as fantastically fluent in.
This situation has persisted for years now. Till today!!! God bless Rachael for sharing this on Facebook and the writer for finally clearing it up [ and he used a shoe scenario! I can sooo relate :D ].
I can't wait for the next football game to demonstrate my new [clear] understanding of the rule!!! #winning. Go forth! dazzle and impress fathers, brothers, boyfriends and other ladies. Don't forget to annoy the (smug) women who understood the rule before you did.

Offside rule for women:
'via Blog this'

In preparation for the World Cup, the "offside rule" explained for women:
You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till. Behind the shop assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.
The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire. Both of you have forgotten your purses.
It would be rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.
The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.
She prepares to throw her purse to you.
If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes!
At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and "whilst it is in flight" you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes!
BUT, you must always remember that until the purse has "actually been thrown", it would be plain wrong for you to be in front of the other shopper and you would be OFFSIDE!
finally! Enlightenment has come. 
Thank me later.