Wednesday, 23 November 2011

An Expected Guest



"Someday someone's going to walk into your life and you'll understand why it never worked with all the others" 



Where's this person from?
For how long are they going to be around? 

And why have they come?

Why have they left the place that they were from??

And what will make them stay here if I want that person to stay?



Before this person gets here what am I to do? 

Build my empires and try to fit them in when they come?
or patiently twiddle my thumbs so I'm idle enough to notice them walk into my life? 

Will this entry be subtle or dramatic?


Will I notice? Because I have a lot of things going on. 


If I miss this entry will it be a disaster?


Am I doomed to suffer loneliness and despair? 

Or is it a recurring walk-in till I look up and that glow fills the room?


What about now?

Do I cry myself to sleep over what I don't have? 


Or pine for you till you come? 

Or snore in indifference and enjoy my liasons with my bed?


When will you come? 


How will I know?


What shall I wear? 


Who will you be? 

Will I like you?

Will you like me? 


But I'm far to busy to figure all this out now. 

But each time the door opens, I'll look up, just in case it's you.

Monday, 31 October 2011

Appeal For Funds

Uh-oh!! it's raining again!! HEAVILY! we can't afford to lose more lives because of rain.
President Mills says he's going to source for funds to construct  storm drains. So please whichever coutry it is that we're begging from, pay up fast!! We need the money ASAP!!

my heart goes out to all those who have no roofs over their heads :(
heaven shelter them
It won't be pretty in the morning *sigh* but we can only pray...and complain, and curse....and forget when the sun comes out again...

Do you wanna be a star????

I don't watch a lot of TV, it's usually quite depressing or boring and I can find most of it on the internet anyway. Anyway, I happened to see a snippet of some programme on some channel (forgive the vagueness). The presenter was asking a young man, who I cannot identify, if he knew and had what it took to make it as a musician.
I also have a few non-Ghanaian (and some older Ghanaians) asking what "the azonto" is all about. I will now  proceed to kill two birds with one stone.
I have done some careful research and I have the answer to the interviewer's question. Take notes, in case anyone else wants to make it big in that field. I am proving my hypothesis with video clips (yes,any excuse will do)


  • Sunglasses!!

You need shades! The more the merrier. This is also especially helpful if you're not very good looking, your expensive, designer [looking] shades will dazzle the masses. But if you wear them as visual appeal enhancers please remember not to take them off for interviews etc after you make it big.





  •  The Azonto beat and/or Azonto moves

Please note that this is what is currently hot, so jump on the bandwagon Now or engineer The Next Big Thing.
The Urban Dictionary defines it as: An original Ghanaian dance in which involves rigorous hip movement and silly facial expressions.
I must add: It may also involve mock punching motions, kicks, jerky neck motions among others. Thrives on embellishment, so "feel free"
Illustration:


for further practice, any of these will do:












  •  Be as cute as a button, it helps. 






For some of you it is too late as your gene pool may have already conspired against you. Don't panic, refer to step 1.
It might also help if you get a trendy hairstyle and make friends with musically-inclined athletes.

  • The tune must be danceable!! WE WANT TO DANCE!!! we don't care what you're saying. 



  • If you don't av a signature move get a Catch phrase or a killer chorus!  that might just do the trick
Catch phrases: Sarkodie: obidip)nbidi * Richie: you know the name right * Kwaw kese: abodam *repeated while mock-smashing your fist against the side of your head*

Killer choruses:
Ajeii - R2Bees
Bossu Kena! - Five5
Dance like a butterfly - Xigi

The point of this is that the rest of the song becomes...well, irrelevant to a large extent. They'll chime in at the chorus eg




                                                 *scrolls at the bottom on the screen*
We are sorry we have come to the end of transmission for today. GTV, station of the Nation

Sunday, 30 October 2011

a page from "Living with the Natives" by Dr. V. Settled and Mr. J.J.C Smith

                                                      CHAPTER 3: DRIVING

Super fast reflexes and lightning fast reactions.


Sensitive hearing.


Intuition...you must think for and anticipate every move of the others.


Pilot-grade eyesight.


Ability to think on your feet.


Must be cool, calm and collected.
Must have stamina.

These are not the attributes listed on an ad for a superhero or secret agent.
Far from it.
These are skills you must possess to be able to drive in Accra or Kumasi. ( I'm pretty sure these skills are transferable). The natives drive in a manner only they understand. The roads signs and markings are for beautification of the city and are apparently not in actual use.

When you set off from home you need your sensitive ears to decipher what the honking horns are saying: "get out of the way, you idiot!" or "I want passengers". Do not be alarmed.
You need to think for the other morons road users, especially trotro and taxi drivers. These people seem to be very well trained in the art and science of infuriatingly artful stupidity on the road. Most of the razor sharp reflexes and responses will be employed to fend off their lunges and crossings.
Alternatively submit to them, a few scratches or near  accidents may occur plus longer journeys.

You need stamina to survive the mind numbing traffic. Manual or automatic, porshe cayenne, Bentley or nissan bluebird '(A' registration) "obiara ny3 obiara", (as the natives say). We all stand still and fume, literally and figuratively. The old trotro to your left will provide thick black smoke from its exhaust that you will smell through air conditioning and tightly shut windows.
You need to be cool, calm and collected or you might develop a heart condition at worst, very high BP at best, if you're a regular commuter-driver. Failing this you may morph into the Hulk (green tint not included with humans with melanin) when road rage takes over. Let me add that without the green hue your brilliance may not be recognised and you may resemble a screaming idiot.
The excellent eyesight is needed to spot potential nonsense before it happens. You probably need xray vision but failing this having your wits about you will suffice. More often than not there is only a split second indication of what the driver is about to do. Your xray vision must spot this from metres or centimetres away so you can respond accordingly. (Used in conjunction with super fast reflexes)

The ability to think on your feet is two-pronged. There is no chapter on walking/pedestrians because i do not advice or recommend it. The life of a pedestrian is fraught with danger and maybe short; the end maybe brutish. When you find yourself on your feet,THINK and get into a car. At least the surrounding metal will protect you better than your own skin. If you must walk be quick&careful, especially when crossing roads. Remember that the Zebra crossing may be one for beautification and not in actual use

                                                                                                                                                         45

Friday, 28 October 2011

Movies I should see but can't: The Dead

I hear there's a lovely Nb. i'm using this word very, very loosely, film out called The Dead, with Prince David Osei and good old David Dontoh, among others. It's an international movie, though low budget, but it's great to see not one but two Ghanaian actors in it. I hope they don't ham it up too much and say anything cringe-worthy. I am not a fan of horror films (Dear Michael [Jackson] had to die before I got over my fear of Thriller. That cackle sends me diving for cover *shudders*
Hopefully a film like this will inspire the local horror (literally) film industry to try a little harder and look beyond their usual witches and deities for inspiration...,ok, maybe that's asking too much for now,  perhaps better special effects would be nice. (Even I can watch those movies)



Synopsis:
When the last evacuation flight out of war-torn Africa crashes off the coast, American Air Force Engineer Lieutenant Brian Murphy (ROB FREEMAN) emerges as the sole survivor in a land where the dead are returning to life and attacking the living.

On the run in a hostile and inhospitable parched landscape, where sudden death lurks around every sun-burnished corner, Murphy has to use his wits and ingenuity if he is to get home alive to his family.

When Murphys path clashes with that of Sergeant Daniel Dembele (PRINCE DAVID OSEI), whose village has been torn apart by the reanimated dead, they join forces. The two desperate men from two very different cultures fight side by side to survive across the incredible vistas of Africa as the world succumbs to the deadliest of viruses.

In the first zombie road movie set against the spectacular vistas of Africa, the Dark Continent becomes a dead zone. A stunningly shot horror fantasy announcing the arrival of the Ford Brothers on the global genre scene, THE DEAD is as much an emotional journey through terror terrain as it is a physically demanding and beautiful-looking one. Shot in life-threatening, never-before-seen locations in Burkina Faso, French-speaking West Africa, and Ghana, including the Sahara Desert, on 35mm film by the award-winning Ford Brothers, THE DEAD is one of the most unique zombie movies of all time.

Taken from: thedeaduk.webeden.co.uk/#/synopsis/4554841749

So far it's receiving pretty good reviews, unfortunately I am a wuss, so I will not be watching it. Such a big one, in fact, that I couldn't bear to embed the trailer, lest I see some of it while I was at it. 
Just the sight of the zombie's face on the movie poster sent such a chill down my spine that I will say my prayers fervently, cover my head with pillows and sleep with the lights on. 
For those of you who enjoy crapping in your pants and that sort of thing, happy viewing!! 
Prince David Osei
David Dontoh

Niggling questions :)



Androgynous is defined as having the characteristics or nature of both male and female or
                          neither specifically feminine nor masculine or suitable to or 
                          for either sex for eg. androgynous clothing.

Ever so often I like wearing suits and a tie or bow tie or braces and brogues to experiment androgynous looks. Nothing special about that. 
We've all met at least one person whose gender we immediately couldn't decipher, right? But it usually becomes apparent pretty soon - as in the cases of very pretty boys and extremely boyish girls.

This is different. And Special!

The first time I saw Andrej Pejic I was completely blown away. I could NOT and still CANNOT believe he is a man! His waist is probably smaller than mine and I'm pretty small!
He's pictured here (for Brazilian label Auslander's Spring 2012 campaign: 
I need to know: Where are his....u know...bits??!?
He looks extra girly beside Rico the Zombie


I still can't believe it and do a double take every time..


every single time..

smh.
It's not even fair.
Ps. Is there a picture of his bits anywhere??? ...he has...bits..right?? 
o_0
right??
pps. Any black men this androgynous?? just curious 

Wednesday, 26 October 2011

Surprise!!!

Surprise!!! I usually don't like surprises (unless it's a surprise birthday party, hint hint hint)
Neither does Ghana, apparently. Especially surprise rainfall!
Oops. No one told the rains that...truth is expected or unexpected: the value is the same!
see : http://alawyerinheelsandanapron.blogspot.com/2009/06/vultures-and-other-relatives.html (wrote that in 2009, 2 years later : ta-daaa!!)
People shared these with me, so I'm sharing with you.
Should I bet that next year, maybe sooner, I'll have some more?? (and the year after that..and after..and after) ...I'm just saying...

http://edition.myjoyonline.com/pages/news/201110/75420.php





This picture was rightly titled "y3 b3wu nti y3nda? - they're already in trouble but there's nothing they can do about it so they might as well have a pint,lol


Vultures and our other Relatives
Update (Friday, 28th October 2011):
Ironically, while I thought we were safe and sound from all flood water and damage high up on the 2nd floor -3rd,if you count the ground floor as 1-  my dad's Benz which had gone to the garage/mechanic to be sprayed or something was completely filled up with water. Who knew it had a second purpose as a cup!? smh.
Now begins the process of dismantling it, well movable parts, so it can dry out; draining it of all oils and water and then calling an electronics expert. Apparently the same fate befell Rana Motors and the other car people on that road: brand new cars all submerged *sigh*
(does that mean they'll sell them for cheap???)

As as today 11 people have lost their lives, well that's the figure that was reported (http://www.ghanabusinessnews.com/2011/10/28/eleven-deaths-recorded-in-accra-floods-%E2%80%93-nadmo/). I don't have any figures for the damage to property, doubt that anyone does.
So here in Accra, as hot as it is, we're hoping for no more rain.

Celebrating deaths








I was almost determined not to write about Brother Gaddafi, there are too many fires raging already...but my mind is endlessly debating the matter and won't let me sleep.

It's 12.15am now and I see no end in sight. I have a 12hour school day ahead so I'm humouring myself so I can get some rest. Pardon me for this looong post and if my thoughts are all jumbled, I'm sleepy.
I just read Gaddafi's last speech (and commented on it, see above) and I cannot believe that I feel so much sympathy for someone who was probably one of the worst tyrants of our time. I have no doubt in my mind that he had his country's interests at heart and was working towards them. I went as far as wishing some of our politicians could take a cue from his focus. His personal excesses are another matter altogether but now, most of what I have are questions. Hence this boxing match in my mind that's keeping me up right now.


I can't help but think of Nkrumah and Gaddafi, Ghana and Libya and draw parallels. We also had a visionary who had the dream of uniting Africa and turned rogue too. I can't help but think: What if it has been Ghana in Libya's position? We have oil (and a couple of other things) too. If we were supposedly being 'terrorised' by a visionary despot would the world rush to our aid and intervene? Would the level of development that Nkrumah would have probably achieved be enough to keep us happy? Would we have rebelled at all, instead of being Ghanaian and grumbling in our bedrooms and smiling outside them? Would we have literally stuck a stick up his ***e in the end?? :(

I can't help but see the irony of the Libyan situation:

Gaddafi got to power by removing a monarch and then proceeded to establish his own by grooming his son(s) for the hot seat and ruling for over 40 years.

Gaddafi was relentless against his enemies, some were tortured, killed, some disappeared others fled. The result of absolute power is absolute corruption, so are we surprised? In the end he was pursued by NATO and its allies in a similar fashion: relentlessly.

Gaddafi hated foreign intervention and yet he has meddled in the destinies of many African countries, helping many leaders to and out of power. Yet he yelped the loudest about the foreign invasion in his own country. Or because his interventionist tendencies were towards Africans it doesn't count?

But who has helped his people (and other Africans) immensely? In Libya electricity was free. There was no interest on loans, banks in Libya are state-owned and loans given to all its citizens at 0% interest by law. A home considered a human right in Libya –Gaddafi vowed that his parents would not get a house until everyone in Libya had a home and he lived in a tent for most of the time. All newly weds in Libya receive $60,000 Dinar (US$50,000) by the government to buy their first apartment so to help start up the family. Education and medical treatments are free in Libya. Before Gaddafi only 25% of Libyans were literate. Today the figure is 83%. Libyans who want to take up farming career,would receive farming land, a farming house, equipments, seeds and livestock to kick-start their farms –all for free. If Libyans cannot find the education or medical facilities they need in Libya, the government funds them to go abroad for it – not only free but they get US$2,300/mth accommodation and car allowance. If a Libyan buys a car, the government subsidized  the price by 50%. The price of petrol in Libya is $0.14 per litre, the cheapest in the world. Libya has no external debt and its reserves amount to $150 billion – now frozen globally. If a Libyan is unable to get employment after graduation the state would pay the average salary of the profession as if he or she is employed until employment is found. A portion of Libyan oil sale is, credited directly to the bank accounts of all Libyan citizens. A mother who gave birth to a child receive US$5,000. Gaddafi carried out the world’s largest irrigation project, known as the Great Man-Made River project, to make water readily available throughout the desert country
The same Gaddafi. hmmmm.


The Worst West hail freedom and democracy but no single state in the West has been able to take care of their people to the extent that Libya could. In fact, aren't they all facing financial meltdowns of various proportions or recovering from them? All I see are pots calling the kettle black. At least Gaddafi was balsy enough to do his dirty work himself. The West does theirs with diplomacy and legalised wars. But who are they really accountable to? The UN and ICJ?? They have very flexible precedents, making it hard to predict...actually, rather easier to predict outcomes: if you're 'against' them you will lose.


And what about Somalia, Ethiopia and Rwanda? and other problem spots on our continent? Hasn't the UN seen them? Hasn't the US and France seen them?? Or must they dye and pour all their cooking oil into a hole before they can get the world's attention?

What is the AU doing?? what do they even do??


Ghanaians hail Nkrumah as a hero now, there's even a holiday in his honour now. But if I understood the historical accounts correctly we drove him away amidst celebrations. So now we have managed to separate the visionary from the (potential) despot, haven't we? Can't this be done for Qaddafi? There seem to be as many sides of Qaddafi as there are spellings of his name. So could there have been no good in him?? Why do I forsee Bra Qaddafi being hailed (universally) as (more of a) hero in the future?



What exactly is freedom??

Is it the right to say and write what you damn well like and damn the consequences? Do as you please with no repercussions?

Would you consider responsibilities a freedom?

More of a burden than wings,no?

Which would you rather be: an uneducated man making his way through life, as free as a bird.

Or an educated-for-free, housed man with access to free healthcare, a well paying job, unemployment benefits, etc in a gilded cage?

Can humans really be pleased?

Or ever satisfied?

It seems as if the more that is done the more we realised we lack.

All I have are questions.



Gaddafi was obviously not a perfect man but who is? He was a brutal man, but don't judge so quickly, do you know what potential you have to be cruel? Be careful not to judge too harshly. In primary school if you were ever allowed to write names of talkatives in class didn't you slyly eye that boy in your class who, the day before, shoved you from behind, sending you sprawling into the sand. As you remembered your humiliation and the sand grinding between your teeth, the thought that you could punish him with your new found power must have been very,very satisfying. Wouldn't you have written that name down? Now multiply that power by a million, visualise your enemies and tormentors and tell me you don't have the potential to be a despot.
You see..it's not that straightforward is it?


I subscribe to the view that Africans need benevolent dictators as leaders. (do not start picketing yet, wait and listen)
Not the kind who will murders us in our beds and keep us cowering but the ones who will crack the whip to keep us in check. Make the hard decisions needed to move us forward. So democracy may not be the best vehicle for political activity in Africa, where many societies are not yet solidly united for a common purpose. We're still polarised; divided along ethnic and tribal lines. The levels of literacy alone will make if difficult for the least amongst us to understand why we're tightening our belts. All that man knows is that he must eat. And come election time out the leader goes. So what's the way forward? Think about it. What other system could possibly work? But with the kind of politicians we have there seems to be no other safeguard except get rid of them when they oppress us. But what is oppression? and who defines it? not having enough to eat or wear is oppressive, no? *sigh*
All I have are questions.

The world is a very scary place as far as I am concerned right now. All I have is questions and every answer can be argued a hundred ways, raising a hundred other questions along the way. There is something to be said about people who celebrate the deaths of others, I just don't know what it is, but I know it's not good. There must be a reason why ill should not be spoken of the dead, has their judgement not come to them?

All I want to do now is sleep and hope intervening thoughts and similar nightmares will vanish.




Muammar bin Mohammad bin Abdussalam bi Humayd bin Abu Manyar bin Humayd bin Nayil al Fuhsi Gaddafi enigma, despot to some, redeemer to others, undeniably the driver of development in Libya, relentless pursuer of his enemies, 'mediator'/meddler in affiars of African countries, pushed to the wall and murdered in the worst fashion...perhaps not dissimilar to treatment meted out to enemies, but undeserved nonetheless. RIP