Sunday, 15 April 2012

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Sonia's eyes gently fluttered open. She frowned and squinted at the clock. 00:49am it read in harsh digital red. Without turning she felt the other half of the bed with her hand. It was cool to the touch and smooth...not yet slept on.
He wasn't home.
She sighed. The arresting officers in her mind arrived: question upon question upon question. But she didn't have the answers! She didn't bother calling him. Each unanswered ring felt like an insult or a slap. And it was difficult to subject yourself to slaps over and over, so she had stopped calling. Sometimes, every so rarely, a text would be replied. A one-liner, maybe short sentence, but it only raised further questions. She had stopped working herself up: first into a blind rage and later dissolving into helpless tears.
Now she would just lie there in the dark, on her side of the bed, trying to keep her mind blank.
More recently she would read 1 Corinthians 13 and concentrate on the attributes of love. She had read it so often she knew it by heart. Constantly praying, reminding herself to be patient and not keep record of wrong. The Peace the followed was the only way she could go back to sleep.

Today was different. . .
Love isn't selfish or quick tempered. So why was he acting selfishly and not considering her feelings or pride? Why was he the one who was quick to get upset and cut her off?

Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful and trusting. Where was her support!?? Where was his loyalty? She no longer had hope, merely daydreams. She had no fight left in her. She no longer trusted, but chose to live in ignorant bliss.

What is perfect will one day appear and what isn't will disappear...

The door creaked open and he came in.
Her heart usually pounded, her breaths shallow, her palms clammy and her body tense as she thought of a million things to say. Frozen in anxiety the words never formed till he was sleeping, often snoring peacefully. Her face contorted in frustration as she bit her lip and pushed back her tears.

Today she was calm and in perfect control. She didn't need any words. She had just realised:
 today was the day the imperfect would disappear. 
The imperfect love her heart had been harbouring had just disappeared.
She smiled.
All was well.