Slapstick, Treason and other Literary devices

I studied literature in high school and once in a while an event happens and, out of the dark recesses of my mind, a literary devices pop up and it makes total sense . . .

On my way to school on Thursday  morning I heard a news story on Joy fm. (My station of choice is usually Yfm  but Mz Naa’s usual commentary about the world news annoyed me more than usual so I switched) and my word of the day is Slapstick.

Slapstick is a type of physical comedy characterised by broad humour, absurd situations, and vigorous, usually violent action. It is also described as exceeding the boundaries of common sense. It is an art form that was looked down on by the ancients because of its perception as a ‘low’ form of comedy or humour. The actors may hit one another repeatedly with great audible effect (which in fact causes very little actual damage). Slaptick has evolved as an art form, and is now –thanks to The Three Stooges and performers like Rowan Atkinson, is considered not so ‘basic’.

(Keep this in mind:

Absurd (adj)

1.(of an idea or suggestion) wildly unreasonable, unsound, illogical or inappropriate.; at variance with reason.   

2. (Of a person’s behaviour or actions) foolish, unreasonable, unsound, ridiculous.)

Now that we have been reminded of what absurd means, let me see if I get the story right:

A  man (literally foaming at the mouth) makes unwarranted, terrible comments on radio, declaring war and ordering fake security agents be lynched. There is a public uproar – many condemn his statements, others too ...*sigh*. The Police react and he’s whisked away with fanfare. Apparently causing some damage to inappropriately placed human beings on the way. The man’s alarmed, irate following storm the premises where he’s being held to demand his release. Tires are burnt, warning shots are fired and tear gas is used. The man is eventually kept in custody for more than the 48 hours prescribed by the Constitution. He was then sent to the Adjabeng court on charges of treason felony, terrorism and attempted genocide. The court declined jurisdiction and asked for the matter to be sent to the High court where the learned judge released the man on bail and advised the prosecution to review the charges, preferably for lesser offences. But not before an a habeas corpus application was made by his lawyers, and a judge made an interim order for his release from custody. A section of the public, including members of the legal fraternity condemn this strongly.

Yesterday I heard this same man was being sent to the international criminal court. This was the straw that broke this skinny camel's back.
You don't get it, do you...

Let’s see if I can paint you the picture in my mind:

A frustrated man (literally foaming at the mouth) makes unwarranted, terrible comments on radio. There is a public uproar – many condemn his statements, others too...*sigh*.

 [Absurd situation: man should have known better. The Radio station should not have permitted it, even if their owner was the one making the comments. They should have known better and been more responsible]

The Police react and he’s whisked away with exaggerated fanfare. Apparently causing some damage to inappropriately placed human beings on the way [Vigorous action, violent action]

The man’s alarmed, irate following storm the premises where he’s being held to demand his release. Tires are burnt, warning shots are fired and tear gas is used. An arrest or two is made by the Police.

 [Absurd situation  + Vigorous action, violent action : but as for followers I won’t make any comments about them. The priorities and IQs of the average person is a continuous source of worry for me.  The Police should have been a wee bit more moderate in their reaction.]

The man is eventually kept in custody for more than 48 hours, as prescribed by the Constitution. 

[Absurd situation: law enforcement should stick to the rules!] 

slapstick

He was then sent to court the Adjabeng Magistrate court on charges of treason felony, terrorism and attempted genocide.The court declined jurisdiction ...

[Absurd situation: a magistrate court does not have jurisdiction to try treason. Matters involving high treason, armed robbery, hijacking, genocide, and narcotics like cocaine are beyond that of the district magistrate courts and should be dealt with by a High Court.The prosecution should have known that. They should have played by the rules!

As for the crowd, they jubilate as soon as they hear the wind blowing so I have no comment about them]

 ....and asked for the matter to be sent to the High court where the learned judge released the man on bail and advised the prosecution to review the charges, preferably for lesser offences. But not before an a habeas corpus application was made by his lawyers, and a judge made an interim order for his release from custody.

1992 Constitution:

Article 3 Clause 3(a) and (b); and Article 19 Clause 17(a)(b) and (c) states:
(3) Any person who -
(a) by himself or in concert with others by any violent or other unlawful means, suspends or overthrows or abrogates this Constitution or any part of it, or attempts to do any such act; or
(b) aids and abets in any manner any person referred to in paragraph (a) of this clause; commits the offence of high treason and shall, upon conviction, be sentenced to suffer death.
Article 19
(17) Subject to clause (18) of this article, treason shall consist only-
(a) in levying war against Ghana or assisting any state or person or inciting or conspiring with any person to levy war against Ghana; or
(b) in attempting by force of arms or other violent means to overthrow the organs of government established by or under this Constitution; or
(c) in taking part or being concerned in or inciting or conspiring with any person to make or take part or be concerned in, any such attempt.

The Criminal Code :

Section 180—Treason
(1) Whoever commits treason shall be liable to suffer death.
(2) For the purposes of this section, "treason" shall have the meaning assigned to it by clause (3) of Article 3 of the Constitution.
(3) A person who is not a citizen of Ghana shall not be punishable under this section for anything done outside Ghana, but a citizen of Ghana may be tried and punished for an offence under this section wherever committed.

          Section 182—Treason Felony.

A person is guilty of treason-felony and shall be punishable as for first degree felony who—
(a) prepares or endeavours to procure by unlawful means any alteration of the law or the policies of the Government; or
(b) prepares or endeavours to carry out by unlawful means any enterprise which usurps the executive power of the State in any matter of both a public and a general nature.

So the question is, by (merely) uttering those words, had the man in question committed treason? 

The offences relating to public order include:

Rioting; Rioting with weapons; Provocation of riot; Unlawful assembly; agreeing to fight with weapons; disturbance of lawful assembly, Assault, etc., on public officer, carrying offensive weapons, Offensive conduct conducive to breaches of peace, Publication of false news with intent to cause fear and alarm (a local favourite,lol) , Discharging guns, etc., in town.

These are mostly misdemeanours. These are probably the lesser offences the judge referred to.

In relation to the Judge granting bail in case involving a 'non-bailable charge' the following case is instructive:

SEIDU AND OTHERS v. THE REPUBLIC [1978] GLR 65

Any person preferring a charge under a a criminal statute must be quite sure that the offence charged was within the letter of the law. It was unbelievable that the legislature, by section 96 (7) of Act 30, intended the courts to refuse bail to persons against whom no proper charge had been preferred. The presumption was that the legislature did not intend what was inconvenient or unreasonable. Those whom the legislature intended section 96 of Act 30 to cover were those against whom, the charge preferred could be said by the court to be supported by evidence which the prosecution professed to have, and not persons against whom there was no legally acceptable evidence connecting them with the charge… The power of preferring charges against persons suspected of crime must be exercised in good faith for which the power was conferred. A court was entitled to request the prosecution to advise the court on the basis for the prosecution. If on examination, it appeared to the court that those entrusted with the power to prefer charges had exercised their powers improperly or in bad faith, then there would be no basis for the compliance by the court with the injunction to refuse bail. In this case the power of charging the applicants with criminal offences was improperly used. 

Also see:
REPUBLIC v CRENTSIL AND ANOTHER [1987-88] 2 GLR 712: 

For the mandatory provisions of section 96 (7)(a) of Act 30 to operate and oust the hitherto known jurisdiction of the High Court to grant bail in [certain] cases, the charge must have been properly laid. The charge would have been improperly laid if there was no evidence in support of it. Further it was the responsibility of the court to determine if the charge had been properly laid or not. Therefore, the mere charging of an accused with the offence under [section 96], irrespective of the nature of the evidence in support, could not strip the High Court of its power to grant bail in such a situation.

A section of the public, including members of the legal fraternity condemn this strongly: here's such a comment by a lawyer: http://politics.myjoyonline.com/pages/news/201204/85256.php

 Actually:

CI 47, Order 65 Rule 4—Power to Order Release of Persons Restrained

"Without prejudice to rule 2 (1), the Court or Judge hearing an application for a writ of habeas corpus ad subjiciendum may in the Court's or judge's discretion order that the person restrained be released, and such order shall be a sufficient warrant to any officer in charge of a prison, police officer or other person for the release of the person under restraint."

His  lawyers applied for the detained man's release under this order so it is within a Judge's powers to grant the release of a prisoner when there is an application for a writ of habeas corpus (an extraordinary writ issued upon a petition challenging the lawfulness of restraining a person who is imprisoned or otherwise in another's custody). It is also within a judge's power, per the two stated cases, to release an accused person if they feel the charges are not correctly framed, ie when the facts in support do not properly constitute the charge against the accused. This is also absurd (remember the definition) because you would expect a lawyer to know this, right?

ps. The first order made by Justice Essel was not 'bail' it was an interim release order, pending another hearing. It was the second one by Justice Quist that was bail, properly so called.  Someone should please correct the newspapers and radio stations.

The terrorism issue: Below is the act, try and figure out where the statement falls...pretend it's a sodoku puzzle:
ANTI-TERRORISM ACT, 2008 (ACT 762).

1. Prohibition of terrorist act
A person shall not engage in a terrorist act.
2. Terrorist act
(1) An act is a terrorist act if it is performed in furtherance of a political, ideological, religious, racial or ethnic cause and
(a) causes serious bodily harm to a person;
(b) causes serious damage to property;
(c) endangers a person’s life;
(d) creates a serious risk to the health or safety of the public;
(e) involves the use of firearms or explosives;
(f) releases into the environment or exposes the public to
(i) dangerous, hazardous, radioactive or harmful substances;
(ii) toxic chemicals; or
(iii) microbial or other biological agents or toxins;
(g) is prejudicial to national security or public safety;
(h) is designed or intended to disrupt
(i) a computer system or the provision of services directly related to communications;
(ii) banking or financial services;
(iii) utilities, transportation; or
(iv) other essential services; or
(i) is designed or intended to cause damage to essential infrastructure.
(2) A person who contravenes subsection (1) commits an offence and is liable on conviction on indictment to a term of imprisonment of not less than seven years and not more than twenty-five years. 

Yesterday I heard this same man was being sent to the international criminal court by The Ghana Coalition for the International Criminal Court (ICC) -who I have never heard of, but anyway, what do I know....

ROME STATUTE OF THE INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL COURT

Article 5
Crimes within the jurisdiction of the Court

The jurisdiction of the Court shall be limited to the most serious crimes of concern to the international community as a whole. The Court has jurisdiction in accordance with this Statute with respect to the following crimes:
(a) The crime of genocide;
(b) Crimes against humanity;
(c) War crimes;
(d) The crime of aggression.

Article 6

Genocide
For the purpose of this Statute, "genocide" means any of the following acts committed with intent to destroy, in whole or in part, a national, ethnical, racial or religious group, as such:
(a) Killing members of the group;
(b) Causing serious bodily or mental harm to members of the group;
(c) Deliberately inflicting on the group conditions of life calculated to bring about its physical destruction in whole or in part;
(d) Imposing measures intended to prevent births within the group;
(e) Forcibly transferring children of the group to another group.

Article 25

Individual criminal responsibility
3. In accordance with this Statute, a person shall be criminally responsible and liable for punishment for a crime within the jurisdiction of the Court if that person… (e) In respect of the crime of genocide, directly and publicly incites others to commit genocide.

Last time I checked the charge levelled against the man was attempted genocide, doesn't that alone oust the jurisdiction of the court?? ie, because no ACTUAL genocide was committed. So isn't this yet another absurd situation???

hmmmm.

I didn't and still don't support the statements made but now this is just getting out of hand...and getting quite silly and embarrassing if you ask me...but no one has. He too, after they show him where power lies, next time he'll think before he speaks.

Well, the legal slapstick continues...stay tuned

Afro Mod Trends!!

I'm busy trying to learn to pass my exams like a serious student, so non-academic things like blogging and baking and looking for clothes to wear have taken the back seat of a stretch limo.
But....a little doesn't hurt....I hope.
I have to talk about my tee from Afro Mod Trends! Check out their page and call (+233)(0) 209638613.
I go so many compliments about it that I had to share.

'un-amused' because I had a class on a Friday evening

Instead of paying attention...lol. In my defence, I was very hungry, had to distract myself.

Isn't it cute???
I like it, it kind of reminds me of this:

by Christie Brown

Ps. Just don't go pillow fighting or do anything vigorous while wearing your t-shirt, like I did, so you don't lose a button or three.

Now that's Posh!!

I'm a huge fan of Brand Beckham. 

Why? 

Because I'm in love with David Beckham and the only reason why I haven't set out on the path to be a home wrecker is because I'm equally madly in love with Victoria Beckham!  She was my fave Spice girl ( I think I might have taken a shine to heels because of her...not sure though) and now she's the uber cool designer of clothes celebs love to prance around in plus she has, what to me is, the  ideal family: a hot hubby, 3 boys with the last being an adorable girl (yeah a couple of million pounds wouldn't hurt either :D ) My boy and my girl got married, it doesn't get any more perfect than that.

And as if Range rovers weren't cool enough on it's own, they had to improve it by asking my girl (yes my girl *talk to the hand smiley*) VB to design one!

- A collaboration between British fashion designer Victoria Beckham and the Land Rover Design team, led by Gerry McGovern
- Range Rover Evoque Special Edition four-seat coupe features bespoke luxury and sporting details
- First ever Land Rover to feature exclusive hand-finished matte paint
- Santorini gloss black detailing contrasts with the matte finish
- Unique 20-inch gloss black forged alloy wheels with rose-gold accents
- Rose-gold plated grille surround and badging
- Soft semi-aniline leather seats, dyed in a vintage inspired tan

Victoria also designed a hand-stitched leather wallet for each car, that contains a signed guide to the exclusive features

- Hand-finished semi-aniline leather door inserts, armrests and console lid
- Exclusive rose-gold plated interior accents
- Luxurious mohair floor mats and microsuede headlining
- New interior trim materials include Grand black lacquered veneers, textured aluminum and soft-feel black finishes
- Bespoke four-piece fitted leather luggage set
- Hand-sewn leather portfolio for the owner's manual signed by Victoria Beckham
- Powered by the lightweight, all-aluminum 240HP 2.0-liter gasoline engine
- Four-wheel drive and Land Rover's award-winning Terrain Response® system
- Limited to five vehicles for the US market, with a maximum of 200 vehicles worldwide
- This Range Rover Evoque Special Edition will be hand-finished by Land Rover's "Engineered To Order" division (ETO)

 *swoons*

(why  this post? I am up studying but I'm very sleepy. happened to come across these gorgeous pics. Have to stay up so my fees can buy me one of these 80,000 pound cars if I'm lucky enough to get one of the 200 that will be made...there: Motivation! * Kelly Rowland's voice* lol!)

POPCORN CHICKEN!!

Finally!!!!!
Thank you KFC...I feel like I'm responsible for this, hehehe...why? because every time I go there I leave a note in the suggestion box with two words: Popcorn Chicken..sometimes 3, insert 'Bring' there. Even tried making my own (was way too crunchy :(

Large on the left, ghc6 and regular for ghc4 

But why isn't sold as a snackbox with fries? hmmm??
(when I asked my friend said I was very ungrateful because I wasn't content so I won't complain before they take it away ,lol)

Ps. Now that it's here what will I do with my onion powder and panko breadcrumbs??
I will have to find new recipes....

{ }

Sonia's eyes gently fluttered open. She frowned and squinted at the clock. 00:49am it read in harsh digital red. Without turning she felt the other half of the bed with her hand. It was cool to the touch and smooth...not yet slept on.
He wasn't home.
She sighed. The arresting officers in her mind arrived: question upon question upon question. But she didn't have the answers! She didn't bother calling him. Each unanswered ring felt like an insult or a slap. And it was difficult to subject yourself to slaps over and over, so she had stopped calling. Sometimes, every so rarely, a text would be replied. A one-liner, maybe short sentence, but it only raised further questions. She had stopped working herself up: first into a blind rage and later dissolving into helpless tears.
Now she would just lie there in the dark, on her side of the bed, trying to keep her mind blank.
More recently she would read 1 Corinthians 13 and concentrate on the attributes of love. She had read it so often she knew it by heart. Constantly praying, reminding herself to be patient and not keep record of wrong. The Peace the followed was the only way she could go back to sleep.

Today was different. . .
Love isn't selfish or quick tempered. So why was he acting selfishly and not considering her feelings or pride? Why was he the one who was quick to get upset and cut her off?

Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful and trusting. Where was her support!?? Where was his loyalty? She no longer had hope, merely daydreams. She had no fight left in her. She no longer trusted, but chose to live in ignorant bliss.

What is perfect will one day appear and what isn't will disappear...

The door creaked open and he came in.

Her heart usually pounded, her breaths shallow, her palms clammy and her body tense as she thought of a million things to say. Frozen in anxiety the words never formed till he was sleeping, often snoring peacefully. Her face contorted in frustration as she bit her lip and pushed back her tears.

Today she was calm and in perfect control. She didn't need any words. She had just realised:

 today was the day the imperfect would disappear. 

The imperfect love her heart had been harbouring had just disappeared.

She smiled.
All was well.

iRegistered

I am wondering whether to continue with this post...
In view of the Electoral Commission of Ghana's decision to change the voters register to a biometric one to minimize fraud, I went to register to vote and dutifully took pictures ( with the permission of the officials at the Jack and Jill school polling station) ....but I security wiped my phone yesterday and would you believe those pictures are the only ones that are missing!?!? *slaps forehead*
:(
I have only one picture, the one I took with my digital camera, before deciding that the phone would be more convenient, smh... I was so excited about sharing the whole experience too... complete with pictures of the annoying individual who crossed the queue  (nka 3bey3 d3n na ay3 me ya,lol) and everything else. It took me a while too! There were about 30 people queued up to register. I was there from 9am to 11.45 am (by which time my carefully applied make up had melted away thanks to the heat, so I am NOT showing you my card!)
If it wasn't for the fact that I would be jailed for at least 2 weeks and/or fined, as well as not be called to the bar because I would have a criminal record, I would go and register all over again, just to provide you with pictures.
*sigh*
Let's hope the process stays generally peaceful, if we all speak out against and condemn the incidents of violence I want to believe  the politicians will behave..it's an election year! it's when they're most obedient and pliable.

There's something that I was wondering about: you are allowed to bring two voters along to vouch for you if you do not have any other means of proving you're a Ghanaian etc. But no information is taken from these 'guarantors': there is no form to fill and no particulars collected. At least I haven't seen or heard of such a form. Apparently all they have to do is show up and say they know the person and that he/she is a Ghanaian.
simple. Isn't that too simple??
I felt that was a little too easy. It should be slightly onerous so people do not vouch 'by heart', no?. And there should be some records kept, so that if an issue came up later on there would be someone to contact or hold responsible. At least that's what my little brain thought.
I've managed to get two usually apathetic people to register, and I'm very proud of myself.
Go and register too, if you haven't already....you might come in handy,lol.

What have you noticed while registering?
What irregularities have you heard about?

Unfinished business

Apparently there's one person that you will never get over.
You may go for aaaages: weeks, months, even years without a thought of this individual but one day you will see him/her.
Or someone will bring them up.
Or that ultimate catalyst: Facebook will pull up a picture of theirs or their profile.
Suddenly all your progress is retarded and you find yourself back at square one.
That square where you found yourself stuttering and bumbling, perhaps a bit teary eyed, at worst complete water works; right back at the spot you never ever want to be back at: the spot before you were over him/her.
Such betrayal by your body and your brain,huh? I mean, hello!?? I thought we had agreed we didn't care anymore! so what gives!??? *pout*

But you do care, don't you?

All he/she has to do is beckon to you to come and you'll drop everything and fly to their side, calmly and in a dignified manner, of course. If he/she handed you a key to a room, the expression "get a room" would be what you'd want to illustrate in 3D: naked limbs and flying clothes and all incidental bodily contact.


If at this point you're still in denial, on question: can he/she still piss you off?
Ka-ching.
Does a small comment, from him/her insignificant-from-any-other-person but from him/her dissolve you into tears or turn you into an active volcano? No matter how hard you try to ignore it? 

Ka-ching!

We're praying for you. Maybe one day they will find a cure, ok? There, there.

Who chooses who gets to stay in our brain anyway? Because if you remember all the cute gestures, stolen kisses, holding hands, or sappy songs

that were sung to you, or favourite sayings, you're still at square one. Maybe you'll bump your head and amnesia will be kind to you. Maybe.
But why is this person different in your (long?) list of discarded love interests?

Maybe he/she was the one you wanted the most, but didn't want you back? The one you expended the most effort and time on? Maybe he/she was the one everything was perfect with but something kept you apart, a mum or dad or tribe or something. Maybe he/she was the one you just couldn't figure out? Just couldn't tune to your frequency. The one who couldn't love you the way you wanted to be loved.
Aren't you tired though? Everybody knows how hard you have tried. You've already done everything you could do twice over and it didn't work? What is left to try?

Nothing. (Repeat out loud. )

(Again)

Your friends are tired of talking and the self help columns on the internet were written for you.
Read carefully: he/she will never answer your questions. He/she will never be there the way you want. He/she has to be written off as a bad debt. History will repeat itself.

So you lost one, you couldn't conquer them all. One slipped through the cracks. One got away.

Please let it go, before they take you away in a straight jacket. Business will always feel unfinished with that person, as long as you care. At least you know you have such a great, long suffering capacity to love. That's good! (Right?). It will come in handy again...soon.
It must be infuriating to know that someone somewhere can just snap his/her fingers and bring down your house of cards with zero effort. But you are stronger than him/her and those feelings. You just have to believe that too! Pray for it with all your strength.

You will get over him/her. 

One day you will see them and not be jarred out of the comfort of your existence... Maybe a small jolt, but not the earth shattering apocalypse that usually happens.
Then you would have arrived. Until then give it up and go on.
No. Really.
Stop wondering.
Now!
And if this doesn't work, fake it till you make it. It beats being a messy wreck, trust me.

(And no, I'm way beyond such immaturity. I'm not telling you this from anything close to a personal experience. How ludicrous).

Did You Miss Me??

I miss blogging!
Truly not being lazy this time, promise!
I have been 'fighting' with Vodafone over their Customer Services. Would you believe one fine day my modem just stopped working ( or is it called a router? *bbm confused smiley*) The thing that brings the "internet waves" stopped working. And for some reason I can't blog from my Blackberry. I should have gotten a wordpress account, they have an app! :(
So...
Due to my busy schedule, I could only go there on a weekend. So I carried my router to the Cantonments Vodafone office. In fact, I went there empty-handed to request a technician and was advised to bring the thingy because the technicians were out. (I didn't think about it at the time but if all the technicians were out, who would be available to work on it when I brought the thingy??) So I went back home and carried the modem or router and brought it....I was then told all the technicians were out.
O_o
Lucky for me there was one chap there and he offered to look at it for me. He is an army officer and I'm afraid so I will say nothing more. He told me the power cord was damaged, in fact spoilt. I found that weird because some of the lights were working. If the power cord was spoilt shouldn't everything be off?? *confused smiley*. I didn't understand how that could have happened either and I wish I could have said the power had been regular but as Electricity Comes and Goes chooses when to supply it's power  this excuse was not available to me.
After reporting this to the sales representative she asked me to pay for a new modem\router  (oh leave me alone). It's not that it's cheap too oh! Herh! Ghc90 or so! I was not amused. At allllllll. Do they think that amount is beans? *naija accent*
In order to replace my allegedly ruined-beyond-repair power cord I had to buy an all new modem\router!
Really!??? She said yes. Why? Because they only ship complete units, they don't import extra cords.
O_o
She 'generously' added that if I could prove that I had owned if for less than 6 months they would happily replace the whole unit.
(They then sent a spirit to my house to steal my receipt, because I cannot find it!!). I was then graciously advised to go to the "market" and buy one from the "phone guys".
smh.
I rather took it to an...let's call him an independent technician, to check out the cord.  According to him it works so I should get the Vodafone technicians to come to my house to check out the telephone line.
That is the battle that I'm losing. it's been about three weeks, I think ( I have no innate sense of time, forgive me) and they have not come to check on it.
What is a blogger without an  internet connection? :(
I just hope they heeded my request to suspend the account because if they dare tell me that my money is finished.... chei!! *naija accent* they will know my name paaa.
Have they stepped on your toes too? tell me about it. I will be very sympathetic and supportive.
I hear there's a class action brewing against ECG (but that's another story) so they should be careful.

But I'm using my friend's mobile modem in class and blogging today because someone I met this weekend told me they missed reading my blog so I should update it. It was someone I was meeting for the first time. I felt (and still feel) very cool and like such a star! U digg?
(You don't really get it, do you? It's because you're not a star, don't worry, your time will come :p )